I am one of those readers who is very, very happy about the boom in erotica in books. I don’t always want explicitness in my sex scenes, but when I do I prefer graphic. The problem has been, however, that erotica seems to mean, “As many combinations as possible, with a minimum of one per chapter.” (E.g. anything by Black Lace, which doesn’t publish novels so much as Twister games set in print.) I don’t want to see every character banging everyone and anyone; I want there to be some plot-worthy purpose to all this sex going on. It’s like black comedy: it still has to be comedy. Erotic novels still have to be novels.

Colette Gale (a pseudonym for an author who is known for her historicals…or rather, her paranormal historicals) has begun a series of erotic retellings of famous stories. Her first one was Unmasqued, which was a retelling of The Phantom of the Opera, a story that clearly lends itself to somewhat more sensual goings-on. I read Unmasqued and I have to admit it did nothing for me: I was annoyed as hell by Christine, who was weak and passive, and by the emphasis on bondage.

However, see above: still interested in finding erotica that satisfies (ooo) as a story as well as sex. So I was interested in reading Gale’s retelling of The Count of Monte Cristo, Master.

Right off the bat, I could tell Gale had done something interesting (and smart, in my opinion): this isn’t Edmond Dantes’s book. The focal character is Mercedes, the woman Edmond loved and then lost when he was imprisoned. So we see all of the events of the book from her perspective — which means that while we lose lots of The Count, we’re also not tied to following that book faithfully. This works wonderfully in Master’s favor.

The other excellent thing about Master is Mercedes herself. She isn’t a shrinking violet, at everyone’s mercy: the book spans 20 years, so she has a knowingness and a personal strength about her that is so goddamn refreshing. When she realizes who the Count is, and what he’s put her through, she doesn’t weep and throw herself on his mercy — instead, she basically says, “Get over yourself; you’re not the only one who suffered around here.” She gives as good as she gets, which made me very happy indeed reading this book.

I definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a slightly spicier read (with a heroine who has a spine, to boot!).

Of course, did I have my camera with me, like I promised Toni I would? I did not.

But I bought my copy! And I was deeply gratified to see that the quote from “Diane Patterson” remained intact in the text. Your job: go buy this book (it is freakin’ hilarious) and find that quote!

Bobbie Faye is about a woman named Bobbie Faye (natch) who gets caught up with organized crime, bank robbery, the FBI, voodoo priestesses, and alligators, and for a woman who’s known far and wide for being a walking disaster, even this day rates as pretty damn bad.

I am testing out a new plugin for WordPress… This is the book I just finished last night.

I’ve always been fond of the Knights Templar. I read Holy Blood, Holy Grail a million eons ago. I have The Temple and the Lodge and The Illuminoids and The Pursuit of the Millennium and A History of the Secret Societies. I have undoubtedly even more such books around here someplace (still haven’t organized my shelves by topic, dammit). Jim McDonald’s The Apocalypse Door! Great fun. And, of course, I’ve read The Da Vinci Code and was aware that related books have been coming out.

Yesterday, as Darin and I wandered around Borders, I was struck by how many Templar-related novels there are out right now. And other Da Vinci Code related nonsense, such as (I am not making this up) The Diet Code.

I walked over to Darin with one of the books in my hand and said, “I know this isn’t an original sentiment, but… Dan Brown has a lot to answer for.” He nodded.

So much for the line of dialogue I always wanted to put in a movie: “Those fucking Templars are at it again.”

Toni tagged me with this meme, which is to write 15 things about books. This is, as far as I know, the first time I’ve ever been tagged with one of these things.

1) I don’t know when I started reading — somewhere between 2 and 3. I don’t remember my parents reading me stories before bed. I think I must have read myself my bedtime story every night.

2) A favorite family story about me is how one day during our vacation in Bermuda I disappeared in the main town. My mother, frantic, asked a policeman for help in finding me. He asked her about the sorts of places I liked. She mentioned bookstores, he took her to the nearest one, and there I was, reading the D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths. I still have that copy of the book with its original (though much battered) dust jacket; it’s currently on the bookshelf in Sophia’s and Simon’s room.

3) Darin’s favorite genre is science-fiction/fantasy; mine is mystery. Strangely, if I pick up an SF book, Darin is rarely interested in it, and likewise I am not particularly moved to read Darin’s set of mysteries.

4) I knew Darin was the boy for me when I discovered his idea of the perfect vacation was the same as mine: go somewhere peaceful and beautiful and bring a suitcase full of books along with. We actually brought a bag full of books with us on our multi-week trip to Israel. And we read them all.

5) My favorite book when I was a kid was Escape to Witch Mountain by Alexander Key. I must have read that book ten million times. I saw the movie three times, but I was secretly disappointed because it veered so much from the book. Of course, I had yet to learn that was SOP for book adaptation. (My mother, when cleaning out her house and getting it ready for sale, found my old Scholastic book club edition of this book. We never throw anything away.)

6) I read The Lord of the Rings instead of studying for finals sophomore year of high school. I’m not sure what it means about me that a)I don’t remember a thing about the books except for the bit with the spider and b)I did pretty damn well on my finals anyhow.

7) I have never read Huckleberry Finn. In fact, there are quite a few classics I have never read but expect to before I, you know, die.
There are quite a few classics, such as Uncle Tom’s Cabin that I have read and remember absolutely nothing about. I do not feel more educated as a result of reading these books.

9) I loved The Scarlet Letter when I read it in high school. I am undoubtedly the only former or current American high school student to make this claim.

10) How many books do we own? I have no idea. Easily a few thousand, in just about every subject and genre you can name. And we’d have a lot more than that, but we got rid of 26 boxes full of books back in 2001, in order to clean up our house a little.

11) The scariest book I own is Practical Homicide Investigation (the manual of choice for serial killers everywhere). When I finally get around to arranging the books in my office, the sex-related books go on the lowest shelves, and the crime-related books go on the uppermost.

12) Every so often Sophia says, “We need to go to the bookstore. I hear a book calling to me.” Darin and I look at one another knowingly.

13) I get books out of libraries now. If I really like them, I go buy a copy. I buy at least one library book per month (usually cookbooks, but not always).

14) I have read plays and short stories in French and German, but I have never managed an entire novel in a foreign language.

15) I read Klaus Mann’s Mephisto, in English, in one sitting at the Staatsbibliothek in Berlin. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Hmmm. I guess I’m supposed to tag someone. Well, I’ll tag the Maitresse, Andrea, and the Piefessor.

Let’s put it this way: after one reading through Hot Chocolate by Michael Turbeck, I wanted to have sex with this book. Not with the author. With the book.

The Amazon page says there are “more than 60″ recipes in this book, which probably means there are 61 or something. It’s a thin book, with a wide range of chocolates for every taste: the thick chocolate from Cafe Angelina in Paris, spicy Aztec-inspired chocolates, a hot white chocolate from Sweden, Frrrozen Hot Chocolate from Serendipity, alcoholic chocolates for adults, side dishes of tuiles and little cookies, coconut marshmallows…

Seriously, depending on how this winter goes my entire running program could be for naught, because I seriously want to try half of the recipes in this book tonight. I’ll leave the lavender-and-pistachio hot chocolate (yup) for tomorrow.