Nobody Knows Anything

I used to speak German — I probably wouldn’t call myself fluent, but I did well enough to argue with another German when I was drunk, to always end up speaking German after the Germans had exhausted their English, and once, when hanging out with a bunch of other Germans, they guessed everything from Norwegian (I’d dyed my hair blonde) to Dutch to Canadian before finally guessing American. (Sadly, this says more about the state of Americans leaning the language than it does about my abilities. Still.) But I haven’t done anything in German for the past 10 years or more.

So last night I have a dream in which I’m trying to get to Berlin and I find a book entitled something like Berlin auf Fluchthaft. I looked up “fluchthaft” in Babelfish and it gave me “escapeful”; the various dictionaries on-line gave me “No such word, bucko.” However, there are several pages (via Google, natch) that use the word “fluchthaft.”

Is “escapeful” the best translation for “fluchthaft”? Or does it mean something else in slang?

ETA: My father-in-law says it means “something that keeps you from fleeing,” from Flucht=flight and Haft=arrest (or constraint). So now I am really wondering what that dream meant!

You can bookmark the list here.

What if the Rapture came and nobody was aware of it? I mean, especially when we have a President whose current brilliant idea is evidently to nuke Iran? Talk about your End of Days scenarios.

Gotta admit, as a dyed-in-the-wool Irishman, I don’t get the whole St. Patrick’s Day thing.

I didn’t even hear about the pinch-if-not-wearing-green thing until I was in high school. I stared at the girl who pinched me and said, “What?” When she explained, I said, “I’m Irish the other 364 days too. I don’t have to wear green.” I’ve stocked up on my corned beef and potatoes and shepherd’s pie rations for the rest of my life. I don’t need to prove to anyone I’m Irish.

As I drove around today — yes! I can operate heavy machinery again! — I saw lots of people wearing something green. One street was blocked off so that the Irish pub could put on a big shindig. I don’t get it. Why are Americans so into this holiday? Is it just an excuse to drink?

I read this bit of gossip

WHICH foppish fashionista renowned for his elaborate outfits was literally caught with his pants down at Boy George’s recent birthday bash? The frisky fop was receiving a sex act from three young men at the same time

and I find myself wondering: is the fashionista in question getting one sexual favor from three men at the same time (each getting their licks in, so to speak), or is each providing a different sexual favor? In which case, how does that work? Do you have to be a gymnast? Do you have to plan ahead to figure out who’s going to be doing what? I’m not getting a visual on this, having never gone in for the group grope thing.

So, today’s Veterans’ Day. Okay…but instead of not getting mail today, we didn’t get it yesterday or today. Same for libraries (closed both days) and schools (exc. Sophia’s, thank goodness.) Since when do we celebrate national holidays on Tuesdays? I mean, except for July 4 (sacrosanct) and Thanksgiving (picked as a particular Thursday of the month, not a special day), isn’t every other holiday usually celebrated on the Monday, so as not to screw up the workweek? Have I simply napped through previous mid-week Veterans’ Days? Or is this year’s celebration some kind of sneaky way of shutting down the government for 4 days in a row?

All I want is some fountain pen ink for my fountain pens.

I have discovered that is way, way easier said than done in these here parts. I’ve been to 6 or 7 stores so far—including OfficeMax, Office Depot, Staples, and University Art Supply (San Jose)—and called several others, and all I have found is one package of Waterman cartridges with black ink.

Short of driving all the way to Palo Alto—which it’s looking like I’m going to have to do, which is nuts, given that it’s 20 miles each way and I have two kids with me and we’ve already done our day-in-Palo-Alto for this month—I’m going to have to make an order online to buy ink.

All the stationers have closed, it seems. At least, around here. No more McWhorter’s. No independents like A&B Stationers (which was on Ventura in Studio City).

Anybody have any suggestions for where I can find some damn fountain pen ink?

I was reading this entry in the Taking Children Seriously blog when I ran across the phrase “one block stork margarine.”

What is “stork margarine”?

Update 7/31/05: Annnnnnnnd…we’re done. I don’t know why this is the favorite target entry of morons who want to post stupid things, but no one else gets to post now either!

In the book A Year In Provence, Peter Mayle describes buying a home in France. Evidently everyone lies about the actual prices of homes in France, because of the taxes, so that when the house sale is actually transacted, the government official conveniently leaves the room and the buyer gives the seller the real amount of money.

Having just bought a home here in the great state of California, I find myself wondering if the same sort of thing doesn’t go on here. I haven’t heard that it does; I just find myself wondering.

Property taxes in California are calculated based on the sales price—initial property taxes are 1% of the sales price, and the taxes can only rise 2% every year thereafter. (Yes, Proposition 13, and no, we won’t get into how it’s a complete windfall for corporations and everyone else gets screwed.) So if you buy a house for $100,000, your initial taxes will be $1,000 a year. (You will also be very popular, because I am willing to bet there isn’t a house in the entire state for under $300,000.)

But if I say my initial purchase price was $50,000, and I pay you $50,000 under the table, then my property taxes are only $500 to start with.

When you start adding lots of zeroes to all of these prices, you can see why people might want to do this.

Other than the fact that it’s illegal—and in today’s climate, ripping the entire state of California off for billions of dollars doesn’t even rate probation, let alone jail time—why aren’t people doing this with home sales? Or are they and I totally missed out?