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Welcome to Diane Patterson's eclectic blog about what strikes her fancy

The Chronicles of Riddick: the review

Posted on June 24, 2004 Written by Diane

Okay, I have a pretty high tolerance of asininity in movies. I liked Gladiator, remember? (Well, I think I did. I seem to remember I did, but I hardly remember anything about the film. Eh, who cares? Russell who?) But I have a current winner for annoying cinematic asininity.

Darin and I actually have been getting out to see movies again: we have date night every other Wednesday. On the whole, however, we’re having a hard time finding movies to go see. I said, “Isn’t this summertime? Shouldn’t we have a cornucopia of flicks to choose from?” Apparently not. Oh well.

So last week we went to Chronicles of Riddick. Badass Riddick, from Pitch Black, wends his way to New Mecca, which happens to be the place where the feared Necromongers invade next. Necromongers are weird half-alive, half-dead guys who go around flattening planets and “converting” the masses to belief in the Underverse (writer-director David Twohy loves him some technobabblish terms), all the while wearing bizarre fetish clothing. Riddick manages to evade being vaporized through his superior, um…physique? gravelly voice? muscle flexing? Whatever. He avoids the Necromongers but gets picked up by some mercs. They take him to Crematoria, a planet that’s 700 degrees during the day and minus 300 at night and has a high-security prison built beneath the surface. Riddick manages to escape the prison, get back to New Mecca, and defeat the Necromongers.

It’s all pretty standard stuff. Lots of serious pauses. Lots of slinking in silly costumes.

But there was one moment that just hurt my head. See, the Russians who operate Crematoria are going to flee using the one available spaceship, and they’re running down the tunnel built into the planet between the prison and the spaceport. Riddick needs to get to their spaceship before them.

So he runs on the surface.

Um…

The conceit is that he’s running in the twilight, following the night, ahead of the daytime, so it would be warm enough but not too warm.

Um…

Dudes? Temperature aside? There’s no freaking atmosphere on that planet.

When you have science in your movie that someone who failed Physics for Poets finds egregious…rethink.

(Sadly, Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics does not have a review for this flick yet.)

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Filed Under: Movies

Life in Hollywood

Posted on May 19, 2004 Written by Diane

The other day Tamar wrote a wonderful entry about why screenwriting isn’t for her any more.

What she says is true. but despite the odds (which are terrible) it often seems like everyone I know has had some and in some cases a lot of success. (Excepting my MFA buds. So far. Yes, I am snarky and mean. Deal with it.) Mary, the mom in Seattle, has managed to sell two pitches without the so-called track record. She does it by coming up with ideas that scream “Movie.” I am in awe of what Mary has managed to do, because it’s the sort of thing that everyone says you can’t do.

Everyone says a lot of things. There are many pieces of received wisdom among pre-pro screenwriters, and one of the biggest is: as soon as I sell a script, I’ll be in the game, I’ll have some power, things are going to get easier…

And one thing I definitely learned in LA and from Wordplay is: no, things don’t get easier. If anything, they just keep getting harder.

On the Wordplay forums someone asked Terry Rossio (he of Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek, Zorro, and Aladdin writing fame) if he (and his writing partner Ted Elliott) had any Dream Projects that they’re holding on to until such time as they can get their projects done the right way. As part of the question, the poster asked:

>> If you DO have a Dream Project like that, are you thinking 
>> about doing it as a novel, short story, or stage play first, so that
>> you can keep at least some semblance of control over
>> the underlying rights to the story?

To which Terry replied:

Absolutely.

Okay, now, let’s recap: one of the most successful screenwriters in Hollywood says that it’s absolutely imperative to do something other than a script to maintain control over his work.

You know, that’s the kind of advice that certainly makes me reconsider what kind of career I’d want as a screenwriter.

There are actually a lot of parallels between working in Hollywood and working in just about any other industry. Okay, between working in Hollywood and working in Silicon Valley (since I’m not intimately familiar with any other industries). But the way screenwriters and their wares—which are, after all, the basis for putting these gargantuan economic forces known as “movies” in motion—are treated is singular, and it’s horrible.

Let’s say I write a novel, and let’s say it’s successful enough to garner movie attention. I have to be honest: I don’t know if I’d sell it. Maybe if I put enough caveats on it (such as, I get script approval). But the movers and shakers in LA don’t like other people having power. Giving people money is fairly easy. I’d kill the deal by asking for power over money.

No, no, I’d have to do what Harlan Coben has done: keep (or, in his case, buy back) the rights to his beloved series, and write a series of stand-alone novels that practically sing “Hollywood fodder.”

In Hollywood the only way to maintain control of your work is to becomea director (movies) or an executive producer (TV). Coming up with the script is not enough— you have to add a couple of high-pressure jobs that have little to nothing in common with writing to protect it.

Oh dear Lord.

And to those of you who say: Who cares? So long as the checks cash! I remind you of what my first year writing teacher, David Hollander (who went on to create “The Guardian”) had to say on that score: “If you take a job for the money, you will earn every penny.”

I’m not completely unenamored of screenwriting and of Hollywood. But I’m not starry-eyed about it, I’m not gung ho. And I’m not sure I have the fight in me to pursue something even Terry says is a game that can’t be won on their terms.

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Filed Under: Movies, Writing

Garry Wills on The Passion

Posted on March 20, 2004 Written by Diane

I know I should stop talking about a movie I have not seen (and have no intention of seeing), but: Garry Wills has a very thoughtful essay in the New York Review of Books entitled “God in the Hands of Angry Sinners”. His ostensible topic is Vows of Silence: The Abuse of Power in the Papacy of John Paul II, a book discussing the secrecy and coverups in the Catholic Church. But while he’s at it, Wills discusses The Passion:

Gibson finally removed (from the subtitles, not the Aramaic sound track) the verse taken from the Gospel of Saint Matthew—”His blood be on us, and on our children” (27.25)— after reflecting: “If I included that in there, they’d be coming after me at my house, they’d come kill me.” The “they” is ominous.

That mood is reflected in the large numbers of people who have praised the movie by attacking its critics. This may be at the root of the “religious” experience so many receive from the film. These people feel persecuted, like Gibson, victimized by a secular world or by unfaithful fellow Christians. The chosen groups Gibson showed the movie to at the outset included members of the Legion of Christ, an ultraconservative group that feels its fellow Catholics have deserted the true faith —the Legion is even included in the movie’s closing credits.

In case it matters: Wills is Catholic.

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Filed Under: Movies

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