Nobody Knows Anything

Welcome to Diane Patterson's eclectic blog about what strikes her fancy

I am SO in over my head (part 1)

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I swear on whatever semblance of dignity I may have left that this was actually said today:

                  SOPHIA
      Mommy. There is no screaming
      in the car. In the car we use 
      indoor voices. We can scream 
      when we're outside but not when
      we're in the car.

Should I just wave the white flag now, or wait until she’s old enough to challenge me to three card monte?

The Corn Rules

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To: All Mothers of 2 year olds
Re: The Corn Rules

Rule #1: never buy corn.

Rule #2: if you violate #1, do not let your son hold the package.

Rule #3: if you violate #2, the minute he starts ripping open the package, take it away from him.

Rule #4: if you violate #3, the minute he opens the package, take the corncobs away from him.

Rule #5: if you violate #4, you will have a GIGANTIC CORNSILK MESS IN YOUR LIVING ROOM. So don’t buy corn.

Thank you.

The Management

Kids TV Quiz

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It’s morning and I’m letting the kids watch one more half hour of TV before we head to the gym. And in the interest of using this time effectively, here is the Kids TV Quiz (Parents Edition):

  • Steve or Joe? Oh please, is there even a choice? Steve, all the way. Steve is goofy and fun. Joe is just useless.
  • Caillou: whiny kid or accurate picture of a 4-year-old? Um…are those choices opposites? Accurate. Although I’d say he’s younger than 4; I have a 4-year-old around and she could kick Caillou’s ass.
  • Wiggles: hit or miss in your house? We have never seen the Wiggles.
  • Po or Laalaa? How could I possibly choose? I guess I’d have to go with Laalaa, because she was Sophia’s favorite for a while.
  • From which show you find yourself humming or singing the theme song most often? Dora the Explorer
  • Dora: explorer stars or no? Ugh, what an obvious marketing ploy. But the stories are more varied now.
  • Most annoying commercial aimed at kids? Ha ha! Trick question! Ti-Vo! Ti-Vo! Ti-Vo! Also, if we don’t zap the commercials fast enough, we’ve taught Sophia to yell, “Oh no! Yucky commercials!”
  • Best activities has kids TV inspired your kids to do? Sophia wants swimming lessons because Caillou learned to swim.
  • Worst activities has kids TV inspired your kids to do? Well, this isn’t kids TV, but…ever since seeing cheese puffs in Toy Story 2, Sophia asks for them all the time.
  • Nick Jr. or Noggin? I have TiVo; I haven’t the slightest idea of what shows are on which channels.
  • What do you watch on the Disney channel? I avoid the Disney channel with a passion. TiVo taped Buzz Lightyear for us, and since Buzz is Simon’s favorite character, we sat down to watch it. Not only was the show awful, but I had to keep my finger on the FF to zap the thousands of commercials. The Disney channel is too much work with no payoff.