I am never mentioning a damn thing on this page about my workout plans, ‘kay?

I talk about getting up early to do The Firm…and I never get up again.

I talk about going jogging with the jogging stroller while Sophia’s in preschool…and I never go jogging again.

I talk about how I’m beginning a fitness program at the Y and I’ve gone three days in a row and everything’s superfantastic…and Simon gets sick (he’s had a recurring fever since Friday, po’ thing) and I can’t go to the Y. Okay, until he gets better, true, but I was in a groove here, people.

I will never start a blog documenting weight loss. I would clearly immediately balloon to 573 pounds.

Holy crap I’m out of shape.

I decided recently that relying on my own initiative to get my butt in gear while Sophia was at preschool was not going to happen. What mostly happened was, I got home, Simon fell asleep, and, well, what could I do? And on the days when Sophia didn’t go to school—fuhgeddabouddit.

There’s an athletic club maybe two blocks from our house that ostensibly has childcare…but I took the kids there to look around and all Sophia kept saying was, “I want to go home now.” Combined with the policy that I have to tell them ahead of time when I would need childcare there—ha! is all I can respond—I thought: Despite the location, no.

So we went by the Y, which is a little ways away, up on Quito Road. It has a pool, it has workout facilities, and it has a gigantic kids area with staff whose job it is just to watch the kids. You get 90 minutes a day of childcare included with your registration, and after that they charge you some really low amount per child per half hour.

Sophia was all set to move right in and start marking which toys were hers.

I said, Here’s my credit card.

Oh yeah, and they all this modern workout equipment too, including about twenty treadmills and twenty ellipticals and ten bikes, plus a Cybex room and a free weights room…but the kid angle was much more important.

That was last week. So far this week I have gone three mornings, and this routine seems to be working: on days when I have both kids, we go first thing in the morning, and on school days I drop Sophia off and then head over there. I work out for about an hour, get the kids, go home and shower.

I hurt.

I know it’s a good kind of hurt. I’m using my muscles. Starting an exercise program is never easy—after all, inertia is the strongest force in the universe. I’m doing this for a number of reasons, not the least of which is I’ve become a fat, slow-moving slug who would rather be a trim, energetic role model to her kids. Also: new clothes.

The elliptical machine is kicking my ass, and currently all I can do is level 1. (That’s so embarrassing to admit out loud.) My back hurts from pushing and pulling on those handles.

But part of the fun of using cardio machines (and weights, which I will start once I have my introductory session with the trainer, who will show me all the kewl stuff they have) is moving up. The Y uses the FitLinxx system, so I will be able to track my workouts with an eagle eye.

Having this schedule is making it a lot easier to actually start the exercise program, and the kids’ area is going to make it a lot easier to stick with it.