Obama – “Look” – 1 sip
Mccain – “My friends” – 1 sip
“Change” – jumping jack (to burn off alcohol)
Obama – “Are you f’ing kidding me?” – 2 sips
McCain – “POW” – chug
McCain – out and out lie – 1 sip (trying to pace ourselves)
McCain – mentioning Sarah Palin – 2 sips
Obama – 3 syllable word – 1 sip
“Iraq” – run around the house lift glass, yell
Obama – “John is right” – Diane screams
McCain – “terrorist organizations” – laugh hysterically
McCain – “Look” – 1 sip
Wondering who these corky CNN graders are – 1 sip
McCain – “Miss Congeniality” – 1 sip (max 3 sips)
Obama – induces McCain rage – 1 sip
Obama gets to 50 points with CNN analysts – Craig and Erik jam
McCain – “Maverick” – scream in disbelief

(We are so far behind real-time in this debate and I’m already toasty.)

McCain – mentions where he’s been or who he’s met – drink coffee
McCain – “What Senator Obama doesn’t understand” – throw tissues at TV wish we’d kept track of how many times that one had come up

HE ACTUALLY BROUGHT UP BEING A POW. Unfuckingbelievable.

As everyone knows, elections didn’t grind to a halt in 1864 or 1944.

Everyone knows what “suspending the campaign” means, most of the time, anyway. (Is this the only time that it doesn’t necessarily mean “dropping out of the race”?)

This maneuver appears to be directed toward one thing and one thing only: getting McCain out of Friday’s debate. And, by extension, postponing or canceling the Veep debate.

And I think there can really only be one reason to take this kind of PR hit, rather than face a live, unscripted appearance: there is something seriously wrong win John McCain right now. Whether it’s the rumored mild stroke on his left side or the Alzheimers that many people suspect, something massive is up big enough to warrant his campaign going forward with this nonsense about suspending the campaign until the crisis is over.

(Um, weren’t the “fundamentals” sound, last week? Now it’s a campaign stopping crisis?)

Release those damn medical records, McCain.

(Or getting Google alerts for your name, whatever.)

Apparently Diane Patterson is a character in a new book. She’s a vampire! And she looks like this.

For the record, I do not.

While waiting to pick up the kids today, I had an unusual conversation. More accurately, I was on the receiving end of a monologue about the state of this person’s marriage, their net worth, court orders in their possession concerning child custody, what type of person they like to date, and did I mention net worth? Repeatedly?

I didn’t say anything and I guess I didn’t need to. But should I have? I wonder which response would have worked for me:

1) “You really need someone better qualified than me to help you work through this traumatic situation”; or

2) “Just so you know right off the bat, I’m a writer, and wow am I using this.”

Have definitively diagnosed problems with the tomatoes I finally got to grow as “blossom rot.” So, no home-grown tomatoes for us this year. Next year: will plant them in pure calcium.

I suspected I might be the world’s worst gardener, and even growing my plants in container gardens I managed to do this. Alas. Well, I will learn for next year.

My green beans were tasty though.