Nobody Knows Anything

Via Ken Levine, here is Larry Gelbart’s list of things to keep in mind this election season:

For Election Day – Lest We Forget

Iraq
Iraq
Iraq
Abu Ghraib
Guantanamo
Evil Doers
Evil Do Gooders
Terrormercials
Outsourcing Jobs
OutsourcingTorture
Quitting International Criminal Court
The Kyoto Protocol
The Geneva Conventions
Leaving Habeas Corpus for Dead
Civil War Abroad
Uncivil War at Home
Sound Bites
Unsound Policies
Unremorseful
Unregretful
Unrepentant
The Middle East Mess
The Middle Class Collapse
Predictably Unprepared
Perpetually Unequipped
Unmatched Ignorance
Unbridled Arrogance
Unwarranted Phone Taps
Unprecedented Powers
Compassionate Imperialism
Faith-Based Fascism
Total Dicktatorship
700 Club
700 Mile Border Fence
Over 700 Presidential Signing Statements
Unmatched Incompetence
Unparalleled Corruption
Ethic Cleansing
Governor Bob Taft
Governor John Rowland
Governor Bill Janklow
Oversight
Overlook
Stuff Happens
Stuffed Shirts
Tailored Suits
Tailored Stories
24/7 Spin Cycle
Executive Privilege
Privileged Executives
Wordsmiths
Warsmiths
Surrogate Samurais
Draft Dodging Doges
Potomac Pattons
A Coven of the Craven
Representative Tom Delay
Representative Roy Blunt
Representative Ken Calvert
Representative John Doolittle
Representative Jean Schmidt
Representative Jim Gibbons
Representative Tom Feeney
Representative Patrick McHenry
Representative Christopher Shays
Representative Katherine Harris
Representative Barbara Cubin
Representative Joe Barton
Representative Jerry Lewis
Representative Gary Miller
Representative Marilyn Musgrave
Representative Richard Pombo
Representative Rick Renzi
Representative John Sweeney
Representative Charles Taylor
Representative Curt Weldon
Representative J.D. Hayworth
Representative Don Sherwood
Representative John Patterson
Representative Rodney Alexander
Representative Roy LaHood
Representative Bob Beauprez
Representative Bob Ney
Representative Randy Cunningham
Representative Chris Cannon
Jeff Gannon
Representative Mark Foley
Representative Dennis Hastert
Representative Jim Kolbe
Representative John Shimkus
Representative Tom Reynolds
Over Paid
Over Reaching
Over Logging
Under Armored
Under Suspicion
Beneath Contempt
Senator Bill Frist
Senator George Allen
Senator Conrad Burns
Senator Joe Lieberman
Senator Rick Santorum
Senator Trent Lott
Senator James Inhofe
Senator Pat Roberts
Senator Sam Brownback
Rubber Stamps
Robber Barons
Senator Larry Craig
Craig Schelske
Ken Blackwell
Lester Crawford
Crawford, Texas
Brian Bilbray
Margaret Spellings
Media Consolidation
Homophobia on the Range
Fearmongering
Smearslinging
The RNC
The DNC (Do Nothing Congress)
DC (Dutifully Corporate)
Family Valuables
The Far Wrong
The Far Righteous
Reverend Jerry Falwell
Reverend Pat Robertson
Reverend James Dobson
Reverend Lou Sheldon
Ralph Reed
Gary Bauer
David Safavian
Vice Presidential Energy Task Force
Seventy Dollars a Barrel
Three Bucks a Gallon
Record Oil Company Profits
Anwar Pipeline
Anbar Province
Arthur Anderson
ABB
Adelphia Communications
Merck
Eli Lilly
Mirant
AOL Time Warner
Kmart
Bristol-Myers Squibb
CMS Energy
Duke Energy
Nicor Energy
Reliant Energy
Dynegy
Peregrine Systems
Homestore.com
Xerox
Qwest
Tyco
WorldCom
Global Crossing
Global Warming
Global Boiling
Lee Raymond
Exxon
Enron
Abramoff
Tribe Bribes
Mike Scanlon
Grover Norquist
War Profiteers
War Privateers
Halliburton
Bechtel
Blackwater
CACI
Titan
Carlyle Group
Custer Battles
Kellogg, Brown & Root
George Tenet
Unanswered Questions
Questionable Answers
Adam Kidan
Timothy Flanigan
Lawrence Lindsay
Jessica Lynch
Jim Ellis
John Colyandro
Donald Keyser
Peter Roskam
Katherine Gun
Garrett Lott
Armstrong Williams
Talking Points
Pointless Talking
Chuck McGee
James Tobin
Thomas Scully
Kenneth Tomlinson
Allen Raymond
Claude Allen
Katrina
Rita
Harriet (Miers)
FEMA
FISA
NSA
Cut and Run
Run on Cuts
Bring It On
Dead Or Alive
Terri Schiavo
Bill Frist, MD
John Bolton
Diebold
Florida, 2000
Ohio, 2004
North Korea 2006
Selective Diplomacy
Preemptive War
Iraq.
Iran?
Sleeper Cells
Stem Cell Research
Darfur
Dubai Ports World
Swift Boat Hit Men
Max Cleland
Douglas Feith
Mumming the Press
Dumbing the Proles
Roger Ailes
Sean Hannity
Bill O’Reilly
Fred Barnes
Morton Kondracke
Brit Hume
John Gibson
Ann Coulter
Laura Ingraham
Michelle Malkin
Glenn Beck
Neil Cavuto
Neal Boortz
Neil Bush (No Brother Left Behind)
Rush Limbaugh
David Frum
David Horowitz
Golden Parachutes
Shrunken Pensions
Sunken Bipartisanship
Bernie Kerik
Eminent Domain
J. Steven Griles
Numerous Convictions
Occasional Confessions
Social Security Privatization
Abrupt Resignations
Porter Goss
Dusty Foggo
Zero Accountability
Even Less Credibility
Michael Chertoff
Homeland Insecurity
Ahmad Chalabi
Baghdad Museum
Tora Bora
Taliban Resurgence
Iraqi Insurgents
General William Boykin
General Eric Shinseki
General Janet Karpinski
General Ricardo Sanchez
General Anthony Zinni
Mission Accomplished
Lawbreaking Lawmakers
Impeachable Sources
Suppressed Medicare Costs
The Donut Hole
Intelligent Design
Intelligence Failures
Ari Fleischer
Scott McClellan
Tony Snow
Tony Perkins
Tony Rudy
Tony Blankley
Tony Blair
Downing Street Memo
The Late Great Britain
Ken Mehlman
Dennis Prager
Wayne Simmons
Frank Gaffney
Expiration of Assault Weapons Ban
John Ashcroft
Alberto Gonzales
Alberto Fernandez
Danny Diaz
William Bennett
Stephen Hadley
Karen Hughes
Bunnatine Greenhouse
Richard Grasso
Brian Doyle
Thomas Noe
Ted Van Der Meid
Tan Nguyen
Michael Gerson
Michael Medved
Michael Reagan
Michael Maloof
Michael Savage
Aluminum Tubes
Rice
Yellowcake
Niger
Valerie Plame
Joseph Wilson
Scooter Libby
Robert Novak
Richard Armitage
Brent Bozell III
Paul Bremer III
Gulf II
Non-Regime-Changing Regime Changers
Neoconmen
Ex-Non-Vet Vulcans
Playing to an Enraptured Audience
Armageddon Uber Alles
Paul Wolfowitz
Richard Perle
David Wormser
Elliott Abrams
James Woolsey
Zalmay Khalizad
William Kristol
The Coalition of the Dwindling
Staining the Course
WMD (W’s Mass Denials)
Mad Cowboy Disease
Mad Cowhands Disease
Kissinger Redux
Duck Cheney
Rumbo
Blossom (the Turd)
George (the Fourth):Son of a Higher Father; Uniter, Decider, Flatulater; Reader of at least three Shakespeares, Camus’ “The Stranger” and “The Pet Goat;”
Prematurely discharged National Air Guardsman, missing in inaction, who describes members of the political party that successfully prosecuted two world wars as quitters.
Billions Missing in Iraq
Trillions Missing in D.C.
Missing Limbs
Missed Lives
Iraq
Iraq
Iraq

(Reprinted in full because it’s worth repeating.)

Via the Smart Bitches, we have a whole host of SF writers attempting complete SF stories in six words.

A few of my favorites:

Leia: “Baby’s yours.” Luke: “Bad news…”
- Steven Meretzky

Weeping, Bush misheard Cheney’s deathbed advice.
- Gregory Maguire

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
- Alan Moore

That’s “science fiction,” not “San Francisco,” by the way.

Today during lunch Simon asked me, “What does ’smart’ mean?”

Man, I hate it when the kids ask me definitions of words. Especially when I haven’t had any warning that it’s coming, like maybe in conversation. We hadn’t been talking at all. He just asked it out of the blue.

“Well, it means you know a lot of things. Or that you can figure things out really fast.”

“Oh.” He nodded. “That means I’m smart.”

“Why, yes. I guess it does.”

I have my work cut out for me, don’t I?

My mother-in-law passed away last weekend. It wasn’t unexpected—she’d been sick for a while and was the reason for our whirlwind trip out to Chicago a few weeks ago—but still, it was hard. How can she not be there any more? Carole was always there, like a rock.

Actually, not like a rock. Carole was there like a tidal wave is there—anyone who knew her knew that she had energy to spare, she was always doing something, always helping with something, always talking to people. She made close lifetime friends from seat mates on plane rides. She had friends from elementary school she still visited with every week. Whenever Darin said we needed to do a big project, he suggested waiting until his mom came out to visit, because she’d either take over the project or spur us on to do it. Which she did, many, many times. There was nothing she liked better than making something happen, with the more people the better.

After Sophia was born and Carole retired, she started coming out to visit us every two or three months. She was a wonderful grandma—she loved playing with baby Sophia, taking her places, getting her things.

People tell lots of mother-in-law jokes; I can’t relate. I really liked Carole.

She got sick a couple of years ago, right after Simon was born. She’d always suffered from bipolar disease, but the depression she suffered struck her harder and lasted longer than any she’d had before. Bipolar depression is not just having a Really Bad Day. It’s a complete and radical change of the person. The doctors kept working on the chemical cocktails, trying to improve the chemistry, but for whatever reason, her condition didn’t really improve.

Then a few years ago she developed cancer. First, it was breast cancer, and she had a mastectomy and chemo. (Strangely, right after her surgery she was back to her old self for a few days, even organizing a dinner party at her house for a group of friends.) She had a clean bill of health for a while until earlier this year, when her doctor discovered she had brain cancer, necessitating brain surgery and chemo; then they found spinal cancer, more surgery, more chemo. And then more cancer showed up. The choice became yet more radiation or chemo on an already weakened woman, or hospice care at home for two to six months. So Carole came home.

Darin and his brothers were already out there helping Steve out with Carole’s homecoming. The doctors estimated she probably had less time rather than more, so I flew out with the kids over the weekend so they could tell Grandma they loved her. Simon was afraid to go into the bedroom to see her, but Sophia marched right in there to say, “Hi!” There’s a lot of Carole in Sophia, and I hope she stays that way, because no one was ever alone around her. I couldn’t tell if Carole was even aware that the kids were there, but Steve told me later she definitely was.

During last weekend’s visit there was a memorial service at the temple in which a lot of Carole’s friends came to celebrate her life. Despite the difficulties of the last few years, everyone remembered the woman who’d always been there for them, who’d picked them up and gotten them going, who’d organized and arranged and gathered everyone together for every celebration, big and small. I’ve never seen a tighter group of friends and relatives than the group Carole tied together in Chicago. In the afternoon and evening Steve had a reception at his house for people to sit shiva with him. The entire house was full. It was really beautiful. Carole had a lot of people who loved her a whole lot.

As we were leaving Steve’s house that night, the kids were jumping around, telling Grandpa good night and they’d see him in the morning. And I almost said, “Hey, keep it down, Grandma’s sleeping.” It dawned on me at the last second that no, in fact she’s not. I might be having a relayed reaction to really understanding that she’s gone. It just doesn’t seem possible. It isn’t fair.

Bye Carole. We already miss you so much.

I haven’t felt much like writing recently, so here are some links to get you in the political mood:

The Nietzsche Family Circus, which pairs a random Family Circus cartoon with a random quote from Nietzsche. Not as crazy-funny as the old Dysfunctional Family Circus was, but strangely both apropos and disturbing at the same time. (Via Avedon.)

For the past five or six months, I have been patiently waiting for one thing: the premiere of Battlestar Galactica. I know, I shouldn’t live my life around television, but a)the show rocks, and b)the show rocks especially hard because of what they did at the end of last season. Six months to find out what happened next seemed like forever.

About a month ago I IM’d my friend Nina and said, “Battlestar premiere party?” And seconds later we had it planned out. We set about sending out invitations, and planning who was going to bring what and who would make what. And we waited. And waited.

Until, finally, it was premiere night! During which we had way too much food and many, many people crammed into Nina’s living room. (Wasn’t that neat, how I thought of having the party and Nina ended up having it at her house? She has the better party house is why.) We thought of BSG drinking games: whenever they say ‘frak’! whenever they say ‘gods’! (We should have looked at this page, but oh well.)

And then we watched the premiere.

It was kind of like getting a two-hour punch in the gut.

This show should be required watching for anyone who wants to know what “put your characters up a tree and throw rocks at them” means.

Occupation! Suicide bombers! Abusive relationships! Enforced prostitution! Kapoes! Turncoats! Round-ups! Informers! An enemy that just keeps coming back no matter how many times you kill them! Weak, spineless puppets as leaders!

And I sure hope RDM and Co. have a gigantic redemptive arc planned for Apollo, who is now fat and whiny and annoying and no one would cry if he were killed off. That is a bad place for one of your main characters to be in, okay?

I cannot possibly guess where this show is going, which is one of the best things about it. Yowza.

I’ve moved to the new site. The new server. Everything. Feel free to let me know if you find anything completely fracked up. I’m working on it, ‘kay? And it really is hellishly faster to fix stuff with Wordpress than it was with Movable Type. Yow-za.

There’s a new RSS feed too.

Recently Movable Type had their required upgrade to 3.3, which as far as I could see also required a move to MySQL. No, I didn’t investigate heavily to see if I could stay with Berkeley DB. I just didn’t see anything that said I could. So I decided I was going to get MySQL working on our server, and then, after much urging from my friend Otto, I would move to Wordpress.

Long story short: got MySQL working (3 hours?), got Wordpress working (another 3 hours?), and I can’t use it because I haven’t figured out how to redirect permalinks from this MT install to the new WP install. (Which you can see at http://www.nobody-knows-anything.com/index.php.)

So apparently I’m stuck with MT for the moment. Feh. And Wordpress is really, really cool, too.

(Okay, okay — I see in the official installation guide for 3.3 that Berkeley DB is supported. Don’t hassle me! I have updated to MT 3.33 until such time as I get the WP permalinks working. Oy.)