Nobody Knows Anything

Welcome to Diane Patterson's eclectic blog about what strikes her fancy

St. Patrick’s Day

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Gotta admit, as a dyed-in-the-wool Irishman, I don’t get the whole St. Patrick’s Day thing.

I didn’t even hear about the pinch-if-not-wearing-green thing until I was in high school. I stared at the girl who pinched me and said, “What?” When she explained, I said, “I’m Irish the other 364 days too. I don’t have to wear green.” I’ve stocked up on my corned beef and potatoes and shepherd’s pie rations for the rest of my life. I don’t need to prove to anyone I’m Irish.

As I drove around today — yes! I can operate heavy machinery again! — I saw lots of people wearing something green. One street was blocked off so that the Irish pub could put on a big shindig. I don’t get it. Why are Americans so into this holiday? Is it just an excuse to drink?

How whitebread am I?

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I read this bit of gossip

WHICH foppish fashionista renowned for his elaborate outfits was literally caught with his pants down at Boy George’s recent birthday bash? The frisky fop was receiving a sex act from three young men at the same time

and I find myself wondering: is the fashionista in question getting one sexual favor from three men at the same time (each getting their licks in, so to speak), or is each providing a different sexual favor? In which case, how does that work? Do you have to be a gymnast? Do you have to plan ahead to figure out who’s going to be doing what? I’m not getting a visual on this, having never gone in for the group grope thing.

The longest weekend on record?

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So, today’s Veterans’ Day. Okay…but instead of not getting mail today, we didn’t get it yesterday or today. Same for libraries (closed both days) and schools (exc. Sophia’s, thank goodness.) Since when do we celebrate national holidays on Tuesdays? I mean, except for July 4 (sacrosanct) and Thanksgiving (picked as a particular Thursday of the month, not a special day), isn’t every other holiday usually celebrated on the Monday, so as not to screw up the workweek? Have I simply napped through previous mid-week Veterans’ Days? Or is this year’s celebration some kind of sneaky way of shutting down the government for 4 days in a row?