I can’t remember where I’ve heard this—one of those old wives’ tales, undoubtedly—but before Sophia was even born I heard that you always get the child who’s the direct opposite of you. I said, How silly is that? Kids learn from the people they’re around the most.

Okay, to anybody else out there who thinks this isn’t going to happen to them? It’s going to happen to you.

Her Royal Girlness

Sophia is the girliest girl ever. She wants Princess everything. She would be happy with a continuous loop of Disney Princess movies on in the background. On her own she decided that dresses are by far the bestest thing in the world to wear. A week ago I took out a long-sleeved shirt and pants for her, because it was a very cold, very rainy day and I wanted her to keep warm. She responded by flinging herself on the ground and wailing, “But if I don’t wear a dress, how will anyone know I’m a girl?” This happened, honestly and truly. I was spurred to buy her some tights…which she loves and she wants to wear tights all the time and maybe she should start taking dance classes again so she can wear tights even more.

(Has to be dresses, by the way. The skirt sets Grandma has bought her so many of have pretty much been left untouched. The dresses though…those will be worn through before we send them on to Goodwill.)

The time I told her that there were special kinds of dresses she could wear to bed? I thought she might cry from happiness. She wears pajamas now only when there isn’t a nightgown to be had. And if the nights were any warmer she might skip the pajamas to keep her nightgown streak unbroken.

The Princess dresses I’ve bought her at Costco? She’d wear them all day every day if I’d let her. As it is, she comes home from school, slips into something not quite comfortable but definitely satiny and poofy, and goes about her business.

She’s also been quite firm about what she wants for Christmas: makeup.

Yes. Makeup.

Now, I am seriously confused about where she got that one, because it certainly wasn’t from me: I don’t wear makeup. If there’s any time of year when I would wear makeup, it’s a little lipstick in the wintertime, because my lips chap so fast. But I haven’t worn it much and certainly not recently. And she hasn’t gotten it from toy commercials or anything: she doesn’t see commercials. (Thank you, TiVo.)

I mentioned the makeup thing to the mom of one of Sophia’s best friends and she said, “Do you shop at Costco? They have this gigantic package of toy makeup for kids. Non-toxic, washes right off.” So maybe Sophia’s gotten this from one of her friends, but I think it’s far more likely that Sophia has just decided that it’s time, she’s 4, it’s time to wear lipstick (“Because I like lipstick”) and perhaps a touch of rouge.

(I talked it over with Darin. He’s certainly not big on makeup in general, but he’s said that getting her the box of play makeup would be fine.)

Last week, when I bought an In Style magazine, Sophia said she needed a magazine too. Eventually I discovered that what she wanted was a wedding magazine—the ad on the back of InStyle was for a wedding magazine…and Sophia wants to figure out what she’s going to wear for her wedding.

Today I bought her pink nail polish to complete her Princess outfit for tonight. On the way home, she asked me whether she’d marry her friend W____ from her preschool class or someone else. I said she had plenty of time to decide on that one and she didn’t need to rush into anything. After we got home, I put a coat of nail polish on her fingers. I told her to stay still until it dried…and damned if she didn’t sit still until I touched her fingernail and was sure it was dry.

After she finished with trick-or-treating tonight and I was helping her get out of her big yellow dress, she said excitedly, “Guess what? I can wear nail polish on my toes, too!”

I don’t know where she’s getting this stuff. I don’t know if this is a phase. I know, she’s 4, she’s playing, trying on various things. But still. Whoa. Definitely wasn’t expecting this persona. and what’s worse is I feel completely unprepared to deal with it. Well, I guess if I start finding out about these things when she’s 4, I might have a clue later on. I don’t even know how to put on makeup (I flash back to those horrible explanatory diagrams of needing to brush from the tip of your ear to the edge of your cheekbone near your nose in a giant swash in order to place the blush correctly, and I want to throw my hands in the air).

My biggest problem with this, of course, is that it’s not a phase I ever went through, or if I did, it was stamped out in a hurry. Makeup was not something I’d have ever asked my mother about. And at the Convent girls weren’t allowed to wear makeup at school (although there was a general rush to put it on once the school day was over). I missed some crucial window of time when I could get comfortable with the stuff. I guess I’m happy Sophia’s interested. I’m just wondering…isn’t it a little early?

However, there’s one thing I’m very clear on: if she ever comes home and says, “Math is hard,” I’m going medieval on her petite, well-dressed butt. That sort of girliness I will not tolerate.

I wonder if the same thing will happen with Simon. If so, Simon’s going to be a Republican evangelical smoker who watches football all day. I don’t know what I’ll do then, either.