Nobody Knows Anything

Welcome to Diane Patterson's eclectic blog about what strikes her fancy

Finally! A reality show for everyone!

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I fully expect all of my friends to sign up for this in lieu of, you know, developing craft:

Casting Call For Reality TV Show Contestants…

“At Last, You Could Become America’s Next Best Selling Author and Reality Show TV Celebrity!”

The newest reality TV show, Book Millionaire, is providing applications and holding casting calls for people who want to become published authors or those who are published and want to achieve best selling status.

Eight people with dreams of seeing their book ideas become published and being the next author launched to best selling and celebrity status will meet Book Millionaire‘s Publishing Committee during July 2005 to start filming of Book Millionaire Reality TV Show.

Here’s your chance to finally become America’s next Best Selling Author and Reality Show TV Celebrity! We are scouting for the next group of candidates for America’s hottest new reality show. Act now. Picture yourself featured on national television sharing your story, writing, book-to-be or book with millions of people showing you have what it takes to be America’s next Best Selling Author and Book Millionaire.

At last…

Why do I find myself hoping this is some kind of Internet scam and not an actual show?

Update: Lee Goldberg has a longer analysis of this.

What’s up with that?

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I haven’t been writing here, because I’ve been writing there. Well, I’ve also been corralling Frick and Frack hither and yon, since they have Spring Break this week. I must be the least inventive mother on record when it comes to entertaining the young of the species. But I end the day with as many kids as I started, which I consider a victory.

Having the kids on break means I don’t have the regular hours to write. I am nearing the end of the rewrite, and I feel the pull of gravity, propelling me to finish this thing. I already know that when I am done with this draft I will have to go through it again, emphasize on some character things, possibly condense or expand other elements. But I want to finish this whole, complete draft, and I find it’s actually not hard to make the time at the moment. Last night I took the iBook up to my room and wrote from 9 to 10:30.

I went out tonight. I wasted some time IM’ing with Tamar, but then at 8pm I said, “I must write! Talk to you later!” And I opened a new file to write. I have to get my main character to a confrontation with the suspected perpetrator. It’s a totally new scene, and I need a bridge scene to get to it. A simple scene, I decided. Fairly straightforward.

It’s 9:30. I’ve done 1800 words since 8pm. I’m not entirely sure they’re for the same novel I’ve been working on. The scene is weird and moody and spooky, definitely good qualities but a tone shift. And what a surprise: It’s not a simple bridge scene. My main character gets humiliated and then fails in her quest anyhow. It’s okay, I’ll make everything better next time (I sort of have to, because otherwise the book would end here).

Anyhow, that’s where my head’s been. I kind of wish I were just done with this damn thing already — I read Rachel Caine’s blog and she regularly does 5000 to 7000 words a day, it seems, and apparently when she’s done she has a finished book. I’m really hoping that’s a learnable skill. I think I’m getting actually completing a novel down. Now the next step is in a timely fashion.

And if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to writing.

Contradiction clinic

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Sophia’s current favorite toy is the My Little Pony she got for her birthday. 

               SOPHIA
     Mama! I have a song. Sing with me.
     My little pony, my little pony, she's so
     beautiful, my little pony, my little pony --
               SIMON
     Mama! Mama! Mama!
               MAMA
     Yes, Simon?
               SIMON
     I have a song too.
               MAMA
     What is it?
               SIMON
     My big pony, my big pony...

I think Darin and I lost thousands of brain cells because we were laughing so hard about that one. Whenever Sophia and Simon get into an argument, I start humming “My Big Pony.” (Which was the same tune as “My Little Pony,” natch.)

I foresee many years to come of this sort of argument clinic between the two of them. “That’s not an argument, that’s contradiction!”