“Okay, I want to do a movie where I run for President, and I do some political-type ranting, and me and Bernie Mac play brothers but all we kinda do is beat one another up. It’s funny shit, when we slap one another around.”

“You’ll do the crazy ranting thing?”

“Shit yeah.”

“And you can do this all cheap?”

“Real cheap. I’ll write it. I’ll produce it. I’ll even direct.”

“Sign here, Mr. Rock.”

§

I liked the joke about the Superwhores. But overall…ennh. Poorly written, poorly edited, scotch-taped together. Wait for another HBO special.

We went to see Bend It Like Beckham last Friday night (in case you’ve been waiting with bated breath since my Friday posting to hear what we went to see). We disagreed on the title—Darin didn’t like it, I think it’s pretty good, because it’s offbeat and intriguing for Americans—but we agreed on everything else. BILB is a good movie: enjoyable, nice characters, likeable main character overcoming strong odds to achieve her goals. The entire thing’s predictable, of course, but you don’t care.

Jess, the main character, is an Indian-British girl who loves playing soccer. Jess’s parents, orthodox Sikhs, want her to be a proper Indian girl, learn to make the proper Indian dinners for her future husband, and stop all this soccer nonsense. Jess meets Juliette, who gets her to play on her club team, which is managed by Joe. (It only strikes me right now that all these characters have names that begin with “J,” which is usually a no-no. Anyhow.) Jess plays soccer on the sly, without her parents’ permission. WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Oh yes, and Jess and Joe are attracted to one another, but Jess knows Juliette has a crush on Joe. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

Don’t worry too much, ‘kay? It’s fun stuff, from scenes from Jess’s home life to the interactions with Juliette and Joe. One too many “Oops! Accidentally caught at something!” plot twists, but whatever: just enjoy it.

One aspect I really enjoyed was the final shot, which tells you so much about how things have turned out. So many movies hit you over the head explaining things: I was happy that the filmmakers trusted us with a visual.

One annoying aspect: the plethora of unfunny gay/lesbian jokes. I mean, you know, enough’s enough already. Shouldn’t the Brits be ahead of us on that score?

Okay, another annoying aspect: at no point is Jess ever shown “bending it like Beckham,” so if you’re not up on European soccer (or Spice Girls), you don’t really have a clue what the hell it means. The filmmakers could have thrown us a bone on that one.

Anyhow: two thumbs up.