Nobody Knows Anything

(Toni: read this after noon on Tuesday.)

I wanted to send Toni a little present to say, “Whoo hoo!” over her nice news of late. My first thought was to send a book from Amazon, possibly something about writing. What I wanted was, How To Enjoy Your Life As A Happy, Published Writer. But most of the titles I ran across were like

Being A Writer Sucks, Doesn’t It?

or

How To Get Your Horrible Manuscript Into Some Kind Of Shape (but don’t blame us if it can’t be saved, loser)

And I thought, This isn’t the sort of message Toni really needs right now.

Well, no books. And probably no novels, as she needs to buckle down and do some writin’. Okay, I could make her something. And she has noted all the baking I’ve been doing! I know, I’ll bake something and send it to her!

As usual when I think this sort of thing up, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I found the recipe I wanted to make and decided to make it Sunday afternoon, which meant I could freeze it Sunday night and then ship it off Monday morning. (Smarter would have been to make it on Saturday and freeze it two days, but sometimes my critical facilities aren’t all they could be.)

Of course, before I could get to Toni’s present, I had something I wanted for Mother’s Day: chocolate-chocolate-chip muffins, which required a trip by Sur La Table to buy the jumbo muffin silicone pans (which were cheaper than the nonstick pans, strangely). Simon woke me up at 6:30am and I immediately got cracking. For those of you keeping track, this means I messed up the kitchen once in the morning, cleaned it up, and then turned around and did it again.

The muffins were good, but not what I was expecting. For one thing, when I envision a chocolate-chocolate-chip muffin I’m thinking Devil’s Food. Extreme chocolate. The cake of these muffins was nothing special, I’m afraid. Not that this has stopped me from eating them, but I compare them to the chocolate-chocolate-chip muffins I used to get at Gelson’s on Tuesday mornings and they were lacking.

The time to make the brownies was right after lunch, so I can’t explain why I proceeded to read a novel (the very funny The Actor’s Guide to Murder by Rick Copp, one of the few novels I’ve read that definitely made me feel as though I were back in LA) and then go out for two hours by myself. I was supposed to be writing. The writing hasn’t been happening so much lately, so I didn’t get much of anything done. Darin took the kids to the Rosicrucian Museum, which evidently they both loved and were scared by, and then we all met up at the Sonoma Chicken Coop for dinner.

We came home to have Movie Night (we watched our old favorite, Totoro—here’s today’s scary gossip: evidently Disney has the rights to release a brand-spankin’-new version of Totoro, complete with all the bells and whistles, and they won’t because of the scene where the Dad is taking a bath with his girls…I. Hate. Disney.) and I got crankin’ on those brownies. (No crank was involved in the making of these brownies.)

When they were done and all cooled, of course I had to cut a small bit off as a taste test. I gave some to Darin and said, “I don’t actually have to send these to Toni, do I?” They were good. Very good. Of course, if I kept them in the house, I’d be likely to eat the whole damn pan myself, so I wrapped them up, put them in the freezer to get nice and cold, and then shipped them off this morning.

Of course, I’m worried about what condition they’ll be in by the time they get to Louisiana. For one thing: caramel. When the post office clerk asked me, “Are you shipping anything liquid or hazardous?” I felt like answering, “Not as of yet.”

I hope you enjoy them, Toni! And you don’t have to eat them all at once: they can be frozen! And you have large sons who I’m sure will be happy to take one or two off your hands. But you did say you needed chocolate for writing!

§

Gold Bar Brownies
From Pure Chocolate by Fran Bigelow

1 cup Caramel Sauce (page 177 or store-bought)
8 ounces (1 1/2 cups) whole almonds
12 ounces semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
4 ounces semisweet chocolate, cut into 1/4-inch blocks
1 1/2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, finely chopped
140 grams unsalted butter, room temperature (1 stick plus 2 tablespoons, or 10 tablespoons)
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
2/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon instant espresso powder
3 large eggs
1 3/4 cups cake flour, sifted then measured

Position a rack in the middle of the oven and preheat the oven to 325F.

Lightly butter a 9-by-13 inch sheet pan or quarter-sheet pan.

Have ready the Caramel Sauce. It can be used cold, directly from the refrigerator. (I used a brand I found at Lunardi’s that was made with sugar and cream. Read the labels! No corn syrup, ever!)

Place the almonds on another baking sheet and toast in the oven for 10 minutes, or until their fragrance is released. Let cool, then roughly chop into 1/4-inch pieces. Set aside.

Melt the finely chopped chocolates (semisweet and unsweetened) in a double boiler over low heat. Remove when nearly melted and continue stirring until smooth.

In a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat together the butter and two sugars until light and very fluffy, 3 to 5 minutes.

In a small bowl, stir together the vanilla and the espresso powder. Add to the butter mixture and beat to combine. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well between additions and scraping the bowl several times. Pour in the melted chocolate and beat to combine.

Remove the bowl from the mixer and fold in the sifted flour by hand until no traces of white remain. Fold in the toasted almonds and the 4 ounces of semisweet chocolate chunks. The batter will be quite thick. Evenly spread the batter in the prepared pan.

Spoon the cold Caramel Sauce in tablespoon-size dollops over the top. Using a table knife drawn through the batter, swirl the caramel into the batter to marbelize. Bake for 45 minutes. When tested with a toothpick in the brownie portion (not the caramel), it will have moist crumbs.

Let cool in the pan 1 hour. Cut into squares and removed with a spatula. Store brownies in sealed plastic containers as long as a week, or freeze.

The LA Times has a story entitled “A bittersweet love affair,” in which the author goes on a search for authentic grown-up’s hot chocolate (crap! you mean I could be writing actual paying articles on these obsessions of mine?). She includes three hot chocolate recipes, one for the Spanish Chocolate a la taza, one for French-style hot chocolate, and one for regular hot cocoa. The third recipe actually contained two recipes, which I have lovingly split apart for you. Also, check out the nutritional info on these puppies: these are desserts, okay? Of course, if you use high-quality chocolate, you won’t need more than a bit of one of these to satisfy you.

Spanish hot chocolate (chocolate a la taza)

Total time: 20 minutes
Servings: 4 to 5

Note: Adapted from Janet Mendel’s “My Kitchen in Spain.” Use a high-quality chocolate bar such as Scharffen Berger semisweet, 62% cacao.

3 cups water, divided
3 tablespoons cornstarch
8 ounces semisweet chocolate chips or semisweet chocolate bars broken into 1/4 -inch pieces
2 cups milk
1/4 cup sugar, or more to taste
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. In a small bowl, mix 1 cup of water with the cornstarch. Set aside.

2. Pour the remaining 2 cups of water into a medium saucepan. Add the chocolate, and cook over medium-high heat, stirring until the chocolate is melted and smooth.

3. Mix in the milk and sugar. Give the cornstarch mixture a quick stir and add it to the saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, or until the mixture begins to coat the back of a spoon, about 5 to 8 minutes. (The hot chocolate will continue to thicken even after cooking to the desired pudding-like consistency.)

4. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla. Add more sugar if desired. Serve immediately.

Each serving: 418 calories; 6 grams protein; 59 grams carbohydrates; 3 grams fiber; 21 grams fat; 12 grams saturated fat; 12 mg. cholesterol; 56 mg. sodium.

Parisian-style hot chocolate

Total time: 15 minutes
Servings: 4

Note: Adapted from “Paris Sweets” by Dorie Greenspan. Greenspan calls for bittersweet chocolate, but it’s also delicious made with a dark chocolate such as Valrhona Le Noir 61% cacao. If not you’re not serving it immediately, refrigerate for up to 2 days in a covered container, then heat, blend and serve.

3 cups milk
1/3 cup water
1/3 cup sugar
6 ounces bittersweet or dark chocolate, finely chopped

1. Place the milk, water and sugar in a medium saucepan. Over medium-high heat, bring the mixture to a boil. Remove the pan from the heat, add the chocolate and whisk until the chocolate is melted.

2. Using an immersion blender, whip the hot chocolate in the saucepan for 1 minute. If you don’t have an immersion blender, pour half the mixture into a blender, cover, then cover the top of the blender with a towel, holding down the lid, and whip on high speed for 1 minute. Repeat with the remaining chocolate mixture. Serve immediately. Makes about 4 cups.

Each serving: 412 calories; 9 grams protein; 49 grams carbohydrates; 1 gram fiber; 21 grams fat; 3 grams saturated fat; 18 mg. cholesterol; 73 mg. sodium.

Hot cocoa (milk chocolate)

Total time: 10 minutes
Servings: 4

1/4 cup premium or Dutch-process cocoa powder
1/4 cup sugar
Dash of salt
1/2 cup hot water
2 1/2 cups milk
3/4 cup half-and-half
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract, optional

1. In a medium saucepan, mix the cocoa powder, sugar, salt and water. Stir over medium-high heat, dissolving any lumps. Bring to a boil, then immediately lower the heat and simmer for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

2. Stir in the milk and half-and-half, and continue to cook until just heated through. Remove from the heat and add vanilla, if using. Serve immediately.

Each serving milk-chocolate version: 211 calories; 7 grams protein; 24 grams carbohydrates; 2 grams fiber; 11 grams fat; 11 grams saturated fat; 32 mg. cholesterol; 119 mg. sodium.

Hot cocoa (dark chocolate)

Total time: 10 minutes
Servings: 4

1/2 cup premium or Dutch-process cocoa powder
1/3 cup sugar
Dash of salt
1 cup hot water
2 1/4 cups milk
1/2 cup half-and-half
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract, optional

1. In a medium saucepan, mix the cocoa powder, sugar, salt and water. Stir over medium-high heat, dissolving any lumps. Bring to a boil, then immediately lower the heat and simmer for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

2. Stir in the milk and half-and-half, and continue to cook until just heated through. Remove from the heat and add vanilla, if using. Serve immediately.

My “friend” Otto has threatened to drop his bookmark for me if I don’t post EACH and EVERY day. (To which I have to say: Stones, glass houses: look into it, Otto.) I’ve been trying to work up the energy to work on a political posting, but when you’ve got this dangerously out-of-touch President and a nominee for Attorney General who condones not only torture but the inherent authority of the President to set aside laws and a populace who doesn’t care and perhaps even cheers on torture and a military that’s been destroyed for a decade (maybe more) and an out-of-control budget and an out-and-out LIE designed to destroy one of the government programs that actually WORKS…

…talking about cooking seems so much nicer.

Anyhow. The first time I ever had knock-my-socks off hot chocolate was at the same place everyone has it: Cafe Angelina, in the Rue de Rivoli, Paris. I couldn’t finish the bowl of chocolate, that’s how rich and delicious it was.

When Darin, baby Sophia, and I were in Denmark, I had a remarkable experience at La Glace Conditori on Skoubogade—extremely delicious, thick, and chocolatey chocolate (with an accompanying pile of thick whipped cream). With free refills! What’s up with that? And why the hell didn’t I write down how much I paid for it?

Once, at Tamar and Dan’s, I brought a bag of Spanish chocolate drink mix that was so amazingly rich and thick. We kept adding milk to try to cut it a little, but it was still like rich chocolate pudding. I haven’t had the nerve to try it again, but I do have a bag of the stuff in my pantry mocking me.

And most recently, while I have mostly written off Starbucks as the Evil Empire of Inferior Coffee, preferring to patronize local establishments (“Oh yes, you have such a nice little cafe here”), during Wintertime Starbucks has the Gingerbread Latte, which I find to be absolutely yummy. Well, I did find it to be yummy; I have since burnt out on it. Where was I? Oh yes. While I was in Starbucks, getting my Gingerbread Latte, I noticed their ubiquitous signs for their new Chantico Drinking Chocolate. I did not try it. I think that was my final Gingerbread one too.

Then I come home to see that the Cracked Cauldron folks are taunting me with their own hot chocolate.

For some reason, this inspired me to Google “how to make thick hot chocolate” to get some recipes and try them out. (That, and the fact that the CC guys won’t give me their recipe. Sniff.) I came up with a whole bunch of different ones, which I plan on making to see if I can generate what I think is the perfect cup of hot chocolate. This might be a running feature on NKA. Or maybe I’ll die of clogged arteries.

Amongst the things I learned whilst Googling around: there are pretty much three basic chocolate drinks:

1. hot cocoa: a thin, milky (or even watery!) drink flavored with cocoa powder. This is the drink most of us Americans have usually had.
2. hot chocolate: this is what I want. Quality chocolate plus milk and possibly one or two other ingredients, such as cornstarch or maybe an egg (for thickening).
3. drinking chocolate: this is pretty much melted chocolate in a cup. Quality chocolate plus cornstarch plus hot water. Maybe a spice like cinnamon or nutmeg. Drink.

The first recipe I decided to try was Greg Baker’s. I don’t know who Greg was; he had a recipe that seemed doable.

Makes one large serving.

• 1 1/4 C milk
• 2 tsp cornstarch
• 1 1/2 tbsp sugar
• pinch kosher salt
• 1 oz semisweet or bittersweet chocolate
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1 tbsp dark rum
• splash cream (optional, decrease quantity of milk)

Put the milk and cornstarch in a sauce pan. Whisk to disolve the cornstarch. Add the sugar and salt and whisk.

Bring this nearly to a boil and add the chocolate. Whisk to melt and disolve the chocolate. Remove from heat and add the vanilla and rum. Serve.

Notes

Most recipes say you need to finely chop the chocolate–that’s superstitious crap. Save yourself the trouble of washing a knife and cutting board. If your milk mixture is near the boil, it will quickly melt the average ounce square of chocolate. Just keep whisking so it doesn’t stick to the bottom.

The cornstarch is important. It does thicken the drink slightly (which I like) but it’s more than that. Starch is an emulsifier. It keeps the cocoa butter (which is a fat) from separating and rising, causing a dark skin on top. With the quantity given here, it will still form a slight skin as it cools, but more makes it too thick.

Adding some cream makes a creamier hot chocolate, but the thickness created by the cornstarch does the same thing, without adding fat. I don’t usually add cream unless I have some sitting in the fridge waiting to spoil.

Don’t add too much rum or you’ll kill the taste of the chocolate. If you want to have a drink, just have a drink; don’t screw up your hot chocolate in the process.

I made this yesterday with Valrhona 71% chocolate—without the vanilla, rum, or cream—and while it came out pleasantly thick, it was also way too sweet. So I made it again today (it’s been hot chocolate week around here) without any sugar at all. Much better, at least for my taste buds.

So, currently, my recipe is:

• 1 1/4 C milk
• 2 tsp cornstarch
• pinch kosher salt
• 1 oz semisweet or bittersweet chocolate

If I make this again, I might add a little sugar in, because there is the sour aftertaste of the bittersweet chocolate, but not much. I might also try it with a little less cornstarch, to see what the optimal amount is.

Mind you, after you drink this, you don’t need to eat for a while.

If you have any pointers to important hot chocolate recipes I need to try, let me know!

Update: Well, since it is that time of the year when the weather makes you just wanna huddle down and drink hot chocolate all the time (yes, even in California), it seems like I’m finding new recipes left and right. This recipe sounds delish, especially as author Stephanie Zonis also expounds cogently on the differences between drinking chocolate, hot chocolate, and hot cocoa. This is a woman who knows what I want and how best I can achieve it!

Except now I have to try all these drinking chocolate products that are coming out… work, work, work.